Day 26: A Sober Christmas Eve

It’s the morning of Christmas Eve and I am sitting in my Dad’s living room, wrapped in a cosy Christmas-pudding blanket, while the family sleeps. This day is special in its own rights, but it feels extra special today as I am not hungover. There is no pounding head, no choking anxiety, no all-consuming shame. There are no lost memories from the night before or a sense of dread at what I might have said or done. Instead, there is the simplicity of a peaceful morning as I watch the sky slowly lighten around the rolling hills of my hometown.

There were times last night when staying sober was a challenge. Being back in this environment, being back with my brother who has always been my biggest drinking buddy, stirred up old emotions and for brief moments I let myself fantasise about joining in the boozy festivities. I envisioned the over-crowded pubs, rosy cheeks, and the collective out of tune singing to Christmas songs. But while many of those moments have been great, they are overshadowed immensely by everything else: blackouts, just-one-more-key, being sick, the embarrassment, spending more than I could afford, crippling hangxiety, regret, and feeling like a failure. It’s hard to believe that for a long time, I thought all that messiness worth it. Worse, that I deserved it.

This morning, as I wait patiently for my family to rise and look forward to a long walk with my Dad, an activity I would have forgone in favour of the pub in years gone by, I do not doubt at all that I have made the right decision by choosing sobriety. It’s the best gift I could give myself or those around me. How beautiful to have finally woken up to that the truth.

I can honestly say that I’m looking forward to the rest of my Christmas at home spent sober, present and beyond grateful.

Merry Christmas all. 🎄❤

6 thoughts on “Day 26: A Sober Christmas Eve

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